Stop the World, I Wanna Get Off

My friend Steph said this once - weak and woozy at the time - and ever since "Stop the World, I Wanna Get off" has taken on so many meanings.

The original image that goes along with this saying is of an 18-year old, in the early 90s, sprawled on the floor, splayed on the area rug in our four person dorm room. It's a funny pose - haphazardly landing on the floor in a contorted fetal position. Nothing broken, just recovering from a moment in which a college freshman resorts to spinning and spinning and spinning in place until ... until her legs gave out, vision blurry, heart racing and then plop - grounded on the floor in a recovery pose.

There are many more moments like this - where a pause in life's spinning top motion wouldn't be such a bad thing. A snooze button, if you will, on the usually frenetic, multi-tasking, information-overloaded pace of life today.

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

Adventures in Online Dating - some borrowed from friends, some my own ...

Tall Tales from Petite E's adventures:

-Invited to a martini party by a match. This guy sold his condo and moved in with a bunch of guys because he felt like a loner homeowner. He's spent a couple hundred dollars on alcohol and is making up "little martini menus" for the par-tay. I'm sorry, are you regressing to the frat house life? It was fun and all in college, but really. And what man uses the adjective "little"?!

-Another asked her if she had a long tongue - explaining that it wasn't pervy just a "kissy thingy". For real.

As for me, I unfortunately have nothing that compares to E's - this week! I am going to meet the match also known as Errol Flynn this weekend - more on that next week.

Stay tuned.

Coming Home

I found an unexpected box on my front doorstep today. I love getting cards and packages the good, old fashioned way!

It was a slightly belated (by eight months, give or take) b-day gift from my dear friend MJ. As she put it: "they were on their way this summer but turned left at Labor Day and decided to do a thesis on European Christmas customs."

She sent some great goodies my way ... wrapped and packaged in a very MJ way. One was wrapped in tissue paper and multi-colored woolly yarn. The tissue was crimped and twisted and rather three-dimensional. Pretty much a piece of modern art with its crunchy, crinkly appearance. And the yarn wove through the tissue in unexpected places - sort of like haphazard shoe laces. It was raveled round and round the book and the tissue paper.

I felt like a cat with string - unwrapping, unwinding, unwrapping, batting it around.

It was perfect.

Email from my 94-year old Gram

thanks for your e-mail congrats on your new job hope you enjoyed your
Presidrnts Day holiday Dot checked me into this computer but she left
me on
my own and I 've forgotten just exactly when I am flying out also
forgot
what other questions you asked ( I'm laughing at myself) is Susie
the
friend who lives near you? yes I have my flight booked - don't
remember
just when Dot booked it.

Sugar High

Having a resourceful scavenger dog necessitates putting tempting food outside her access ... Ru has inhaled: a bag of brown sugar; an entire angel food cake; rotten fish & cheese remnants (from the trash); part of the cordless phone (and battery pack); and the sleeve of a silk jacket.

She always leaves the remnants on the living room rug. Living room rugs seem to be canine dinner tables. Particularly in homes with wood floors and very few soft flooring areas.

Over the years Ru has trained me - it's taken awhile, but I'm learning. Nothing is left on countertops unless I want it demolished or licked clean.

Or I forget. Today I ran to Target, came home, dropped off my bags and ran back out. Leaving my pre-Easter candy (Cadbury mini eggs) on the countertop.

Three hours later, upon returning home, I spy a shadow on the rug ... ripped up, licked clean, Cadbury bag. It's inside out - the purple exterior splayed open to show the dog licked white insides. And no errant chocolate eggs to be found anywhere - except in Ru's belly. As she gallops to the back door, waiting to be let out as I take in the scene of the dine, I hear her gulping water. Sugar high, she needs some water (or milk) to wash down her unintended treat. Probably has to pee like a racehorse too since she ingested a lot of sweets.

In the past (the Lindor balls, for example), I've called the vet. Chocolate kills dogs, after all. Fortunately, this pooch is no lightweight. From her stray days (or simply because she is a dog), she has a strong constitution. For her body weight the Cadbury has only dehydrated and caffeinated her. If the punctured battery pack didn't hurt her, I seriously doubt the Cadbury binge will.

Still I'll keep an eye on her for the next hour or two ...

Thinking warm thoughts ...

It snowed this week - which was lovely. But it also has been below freezing for a handful of days. And I'm over the below freezing and gusty wind stuff.

Granted, it could be far worse - like in upstate New York with a record-breaking 63 inches of snow in February. But I personally would be a happier homo sapiens if temps stayed between the mid-30s to mid-80s. After all, a 50 degree range seems quite reasonable a request. Heck, I'd let it go up to 90 if we could cut back on humidity.

While I am well aware that I have conditions attached to my concessions, can't a girl wish?

Speaking of, some troubling tales from the land of e-dating:

-J closed a guy dressed as Spartacus in his photo section. And then there was the guy (allegedly seeking women) and yet his profile referred to his ideal mate as "he" this and "he" that.

-M was closed by a guy who basically told her that (in his mind) she was too ambitious professionally and too "old" to fulfill his desire for two children (and the unsaid - a stay at home trophy wife). He then ended it with an emoticon.

-I closed a guy who loved the pageantry arts. After I figured out just exactly what "pageantry arts" meant, which are not really objectionable, but ...

-M and E were matched with a dude that is topless in his picture, and so should not be. Man boobs, deer in the headlights bug-eyes, and the most hideous 1960s era sofa in the background.

Must confess that I think it's better that we learn these things within the safety of our own homes - in comfortable pjs, eyeglasses, and hair in a ponytail - rather than having gone to the trouble of makeup, hair, outfit for a first date of tortuous length with an M&M sweatshirt wearing goober.

Captain Darkoffice

So Captain Darkoffice - formerly a source of entertainment - became my boss last month. Must admit that at first, I wasn't totally keen on it. More like mentally resistant, but for no good reason ... apart from the fact that he looked like a gamer rather than a boss. Torchiere lamp, hunched over laptop, earbuds in, and a goofy sense of humor.

Anyway, since I had no professional reason to dispute the change in reporting, I (grudgingly) tried to warm up to the idea.

And I must confess that I've been pleasantly surprised ... not to mention relieved that he has the sense to turn on the overhead lights when others come to his office for meetings - at least most of the time.

Nevertheless I am changing positions within the company and will soon be leaving Captain Darkhorse.

Did I Mention ...

Roxanne by The Police?

Of course a list is a list that is meant to be altered according to whim.

MB's Top 25 Songs of All Time

In no particular order

1 - Runaround Sue - Dion
2 - Where the Streets Have No Name - U2
3 - Anotherloverholenyohead - Prince
4 - In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
5 - Mother and Child Reunion - Paul Simon
6 - Slave to Love - Bryan Ferry
7 - Paint It Black - Rolling Stones
8 - Four Seasons In One Day - Crowded House
9 - I Need a Man - Eurthymics
10 - Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
11 - Love Will Come to You - Indigo Girls
12 - We Meet, We Part, We Remember - the Holmes Brothers
13 - Authority Song - John Mellencamp
14 - Show Me Your Soul - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
15 - Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order
16 - Three Babies - Sinead O'Connor
17 - Coming Around Again - Carly Simon
18 - Downtown - Petula Clark
19 - Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
20 - Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley
21 - Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python
22 - Cecilia - Simon & Garfunkel
23 - Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
24 - Canned Heat - Jamiroquai
25 - Let's Dance - David Bowie

Oompa Loompas, Teenage Soap Operas and CBS Crime Shows

Ok, this is trivial, and I could google it, but it just happened like an hour ago - and I feel the need to post, but can't think of anything better.

So here goes:

Was Dawson (James van der Beek) a rellgious, split personality poacher/murderer tonight on Criminal Minds?

I thought I saw sweet ol' Dawson behind that gruff stubble and zealotry ... but I could be wrong. It could have been another actor who slightly resembles an oompa loompa.

But I just looked in imdb.com - and alas, it was my little Wonka pal.

Over and Under

Just read Nikolai Gogol's short story, The Overcoat, and just beforehand read The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. The latter has a connection to the former. Pretty interesting, all in all. I'd recommend reading both. PLUS, The Namesake is going to be a movie soon - and the trailer looked quite good. Hopefully they'll keep it faithful to the novel.

And, back to the former, with winter in full swing, a heavy (over)coat is a necessity. Brrrrr ...

Overcoat is so not a word used today. Nor is underwear or underpants used in most business conversations, unless you work for an undergarment company, I suppose. And yet everyone has their particular way of referring to undergarments - my friend H in Seattle calls them "unders" while her husband refers to hers as "East German underwear." And there's something silly about the term underpants. It's highly underrated. Underwear and undergarments are overused.

Today at a business lunch "underpants" received some much needed air time. My colleague K and I have a bit of a game going (only when semi-appropriate). It all started when another colleague used this word in a meeting. The same meeting in which peeing on the third rail and the chance of electrocution was discussed.

Don't ask, as this makes it sound like I work for Michael Scott. And I don't. (I actually work for an inoffensive man with a very distinct laugh.) Needless to say, there were creative sorts in the meeting and, well, "underpants" was used. And now K and I (at least for this past week) have strategically inserted the term "underpants" within the context of any business gathering together.

Must say it's been a wonderfully silly diversion. And soon it will flee my vocabulary - down the chute, into the laundry basket.