Fears

I connected with an old friend today ... in high school our mothers died and our fathers moved outside the school district. We carpooled senior year and shared the flirty banter you share with the opposite sex.

I've often felt we were on parallel tracks. Today that parallel track intersected ... it will probably deviate, a wide pendulum swing following the collision, but still ...

My biggest fear for many years was that I would die in the same way my mother did ... breast cancer at age 43.

Now that I'm living a chronic illness that is not life threatening (at least not like cancer), I see things a bit differently.

That's not to say that when I go for my biannual mammogram, get the letter in the mail that it was irregular, or pass the 43 year mile marker that I won't struggle with my mortality and flinch at the memory of my mom's premature death.

It's just that I have more perspective. Some of the things that were scary and unimaginable before are a little -just a little - demystified. Kind of like when Toto pulls the curtain back and reveals the man behind the Wizard of Oz pageantry. Kind of.

So my old friend whose mother died too young, of cancer, like my mom ... turns out his wife has the same chronic illness that I have. I know only 4 people that have this same condition - not that it's rare, but still - what are the chances? Arthur - my name of choice for this disease - has taken up residence in both our homes.

His mom died at age 39 ... we're now 37 ... his mom had Arthur, and then cancer. I think he's in the throes of seeing the specter projected on the screen - mystic and mystifying - and seeing his and his wife's mortality - in glittering horror.

My thoughts go out to him. Some things can be just too close to home - his past and his present - hopefully not his future.