High Maintenance

I've often wondered about managing people. I haven't had any direct reports yet, and I'm not sure I ever want any of them. Some people say it's like babysitting, others say that if they're peers/equals, it's really great.

My company is employing more contract workers on project by project basis. So far I've only worked with a handful of them, but boy is it an even split. I've got Cain and Abel, Frick and Frack, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde on payroll. Temporarily, thank God.

Half of them are self-starting, industrious, hard working, honest employees. They're easy to manage with an excellent work ethic. If every employee were like them, I'd clone them, have a 499 direct reports and be the most productive manager on earth. Heck, I'd start my own company with those clones, be listed at the top of the Fortune 500, and offer each and every employee six weeks of paid vacation annually.

The other half are HIGH MAINTENANCE. As in caps lock, bold, with a million exclamation points.

There's very much drama surrounding their needs, their gripes, and the so-called system's imperfections. Their emails can be very demanding. I tend to be rather patient and tolerant, but EMAILS THAT YELL AT YOU AND HAVE TOO MANY !!!! MAKE ME CRAZY.

One in particular is a serious threat to my sanity. I'll soon be indulging in vodka shots at 8am or stitching up a voodoo doll with her face on it and chanting non-sensical verses.

Miss CAPS LOCK, aka Miss HIGH MAINTENANCE, is hell bent (hell bent, to the penny, on the value of her Neiman wardrobe) on pushing back on anything (and don't forget everything) that does not suit her. When something doesn't go her way, she's quick to defend herself, throw her hands up in the air, all to maintain her alleged "good name" within the company. Granted, as a contractor, she has much more power and in some ways less accountability than the average full time employee. However, I don't know that she gets that her demands erode away any respect she might garner from a job well done. Rather, the mere first syllable of her name evokes images of HIGH MAINTENANCE, not HARD WORKER.

Soon, however, Miss HM will have completed her project and I will be HM-free. 30 days to go.